A dark love
by intolauren
Summary: With Spencer stuck in Radley for the foreseeable future, her dissociation with reality growing day by day, will her relationship with Toby survive? And once rumours start flying again in Rosewood, will it be enough to push Spencer over the edge? Exploring the dark and addictive side of Spencer's personality with romance, friendship and humour thrown in somehow.


**Note from the author (aka ME)**

 **Oh my gosh it has been YEARS since I posted on this site and I'm honestly surprised that I still have people who read/follow Unburied Secrets! I was actually going to post a new chapter to that today but I decided on a new story instead because I can't connect with the characters well anymore. Plus, the show itself has evolved SO much since I wrote it and OH MY GOODNESS ALI TURNED OUT TO BE ALIVE ALL ALONG AFTER ALL. I CALLED IT BACK IN 2012. Anywaaaaay... this first chapter is pretty dark and depressing but I just needed to set the scene! I promise promise promise it won't be this gloomy for long and my usual fluffy love scenes WILL be back with vengeance. I just really wanted to explore Spencer's darker side a little more, kind of what they're trying to do in the show right now, and since I relate SO much to Spencer, I feel I can ((hopefully)) capture her pretty well. But please bear with me since this is the first piece I've written in over a year (thanks depression for destroying my creativity for so long) so it might take me awhile to get properly back into the swing of things. I'm hoping to update at least one chapter a week so fingers crossed I manage to keep myself motivated and stick to my goal! I hope you enjoy this and once again, I apologise for the dark atmosphere in this first, short chapter. Lots and lots of love! XO, Lauren**

* * *

"Spence, look at me. Please,"

I don't move my eyes from the floor. I don't want to look at anyone.

"This is the third day in a row I've come to see you and all I've seen is the top of your head. Why won't you look at me?"

 _Because I can't. I just can't okay? I don't want to see anyone and I don't want anyone to see me_ ; I'm screaming at Toby inside my head but in reality my lips don't move an inch, the inside of my mouth completely dry.

I hear Toby sigh and shuffle in his seat. My body tenses in anticipation, hoping he's about to stand up and leave.

"Spence, I have 15 minutes visiting time left. Please can you talk to me? You don't have to look at me but please just talk to me,"

He reaches out and places his hand on my leg. Automatically my body flinches and I pull away.

"Don't touch me," I spit at him, in a voice I don't recognise as my own.

I stand up and the force out my action causes the chair to slide across the room and crash into the wall. Toby takes a step back away from me, fear as clear as day in his eyes.

"I want you to leave," I whisper, my eyes once again on the floor, my hair falling over my face.

"Spence, please,"

"Toby, just go!"

"Spencer…"

"Leave! Leave me alone!" I'm screaming at him now, and any moment a staff member will come to see what the noise is about.

Toby exhales audibly and runs his fingers through his hair. Slipping his backpack over his shoulder he turns towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you, Spencer. Be safe,"

I can't see him because I'm still staring at the floor but something in his voice tells me he's close to tears. I hear the door close gently and Toby's footsteps on the concrete flooring as he walks away.

"I love you too," I whisper as silence returns to the hallway.

* * *

I'm not sure when I must have fallen asleep but when my eyes open, it's dusk. A nurse is standing over my bed looking down at me.

"It's time for dinner, Spencer. You're late," she says.

I try to turn over away from her but she places a hand on my arm.

"You need to eat. You've been here three days and refused food completely now. If you don't comply today we'll be forced to issue you with a tube to feed you ourselves and let me tell you, that is not an experience I think you'll appreciate,"

"I'm not hungry, I feel nauseous and I'm exhausted,"

"It's just your body adjusting to your medication, honey. You'll feel more human if you eat. Come on, up you get. Let's go down to the cafeteria with everyone else,"

"Why can't I eat in my room?"

"Spencer, you can either make your time here difficult, or you can comply with the rules and have an easier time. Which are you going to choose?"

I roll my eyes and sit up in bed.

"I want to go home," I mutter, adjusting my shirt which has slipped in my sleep and combing my fingers through my hair.

"You won't get yourself home by refusing to cooperate, Spencer. Now, let's go. This is your last chance to walk with me down to the cafeteria before I'll have to take further action,"

"Wait, can I call my boyfriend?" I ask, mostly just stalling having to eat a little longer in the hopes that there won't be as many people eating when I eventually go down there.

"Personal calls cannot be made during dinner hour. And besides, you've seen him every day since you arrived and said no more than 5 words to him so something tells me you can wait just a little longer before you call," the nurse snaps, placing a hand on the small of my back and giving me a slight shove towards the door.

"I can walk," I spit back at her, pulling away from her touch.

I hear her click her tongue behind me as we exit my room and head towards the cafeteria.

* * *

I sit as far away from anyone else as I can once I grab a salad and some water. There's a long table over by the window that should seat 8, but today there is only 2 girls sitting at eat, opposite each other. I place myself right at the other end of the table to them and begrudgingly begin to eat my dinner. Both of them have their hair pulled over their face and they're huddled over plates of food whispering to each other, probably about the tall, skinny freak who just joined their table. I scowl at them without moving my eyes from my plate so I don't know if they see or not but I don't care either way. I'm not here to make friends. And I'm going to be out of here soon, I'll make sure of it. Toby will help me escape, I know he will. He doesn't want me in here just as much as I don't want to be here myself. I mean, I know he was the one who called them initially and asked them to evaluate me but once I tell him how awful everyone is here and how horribly they treat me, he'll come and rescue me right away. He'll have to. Toby would never leave me here where I'm unhappy. He'd never leave me anywhere I was unhappy. He loves me and he would never want me cooped up in here. I know that. I know that. He would never leave me here.

"Spencer, are you going to eat that or just twirl your fork around for 20 minutes hoping it will disappear?"

It's the snotty nurse again, hovering behind me, interrupting my internal monologue.

"I was about to eat it until you made an unwanted appearance," I mutter under my breath.

I dig my fork into the lettuce leaves forcefully and one of the tines snaps off.

" _AND_ it might be easier to eat if the stupid thing didn't snap every time I try to use it for its actual purpose. Why can't I just have a metal fork?" I snap.

"We don't let patients have metal forks because you and I both know they could be used as a weapon against yourself or another patient. Just be less aggressive this time and you'll be fine," she says as she hands me over another plastic fork.

I debate biting back with a sarcastic comment but instead I smile and say thank you just so she'll leave me alone.

Looking around me as she walks away, I grit my teeth.

I can't believe I'm back in here again. The most godforsaken place in the entire of Rosewood; Radley Sanatorium.

* * *

"Toby, please, you have to come and get me," I beg for the tenth time in five minutes down the phone.

"Spencer, you know I can't do that,"

"You can! Tell them you're going to take me to a different hospital, tell them you're going to look after me yourself, tell them whatever they need to hear. Just please, please, Toby, come and get me out of here,"

I hear Toby sigh loudly.

"Spencer, I'm not coming to get you," is all he says after a long pause.

"What do you mean?! I thought you loved me!" I yell, beginning to cry, despair taking hold of my insides with every breath I take.

"I do love you, Spencer. That's why I'm not coming to get you,"

"You're so full of shit, Toby," I sob, angry, hot tears streaming down my face now.

"I love you, Spencer. I'll see you tomorrow," he says quietly, before hanging up the phone.

I throw the receiver against the wall and sink down onto the floor screaming curse words through my tears. I've never felt so empty and alone.

"Oh Spencer, I think it's time for your medication, don't you?" I look up to see a nurse, a different one than before, standing over me with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Why doesn't anyone love me?" I sob, my hair sticking to my salt water soaked face.

The nurse sits down next to me on the ground inside the phone room and offers me her hand. I recoil away from her, but remain sitting on the ground still, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

"You don't truly think nobody loves you, do you?" the nurse asks, softly.

"I don't think my boyfriend does anymore,"

"And why do you think that?"

"Because he won't come and get me! He's willing to leave me to rot in here! I begged him to take me home, told him how unhappy I was and all he said was that he wasn't coming to get me!" I try not to raise my voice but I can't help it; I'm so sad and angry and hurt that I'm really struggling to hold myself together.

The nurse smiles and shakes her head.

"Spencer, did it ever occur to you that just because people don't love you in the way you think they should, doesn't mean they don't love you all the same underneath?"

I don't say anything and begin pulling at the fabric on my sleeve.

"Why do you think you're in here, Spencer?" she asks after a minute or so of silence.

The question catches me by surprise and I can only blink in response.

"I.. d-don't know," I manage to stutter, when I realise that the nurse is not going to accept silence as an answer.

"You're an extremely intelligent girl who's studied human psychology for the last 5 years, of course you know why you're in here," she laughs.

Her laughter makes me uncomfortable and reflexively my head drops down and my gaze falls to the floor again.

"I want to go to bed," I whisper quietly, suddenly overwhelmed with humiliation and exhaustion.

The nurse smiles again, and intuitively I know she understands the conversation is over.

Standing up she says, "You're going to be okay and out of here soon; I can see it in your eyes."


End file.
